Some great features in this story, Yumna, but be careful! Some of your story is in the past tense and some is in the present! Pick one and stay with it!
I like your story Yumna. There is some fantastic words in this story but like Mrs Wells said some of your story is in the past and present tense. So keep on blogging because I would like to read some more of your great stories.
Wow, really long and lovely piece of writing, I can see you have taken your time to really made this work stand out. You have no improvements and I have nothing bad to say about it. You really should have pride in your work!
Some great features in this story, Yumna, but be careful! Some of your story is in the past tense and some is in the present! Pick one and stay with it!
Your story is great,it has lots of descriptive writing.Maybe you could write it in the first or third person instead of
of second.
WOW!Yumna this story is amazing,I like the adverbs you used and I think next time you should put a bit more dialogue
Tulay<3
I like your story Yumna. There is some fantastic words in this story but like Mrs Wells said some of your story is in the past and present tense. So keep on blogging because I would like to read some more of your great stories.
yumna you have used good punctuation and nice adjectives! can’t wait to read the next bit 🙂
Alfie
WOW! i love this story. The vocabulary and everything else about it.
Wow, really long and lovely piece of writing, I can see you have taken your time to really made this work stand out. You have no improvements and I have nothing bad to say about it. You really should have pride in your work!
Very Well Done!
Yumna you should know which tense you are putting your work in. Maisha