Excellent Natalie this is really good I like the way that you’ve ended your story on a cliff hanger and how you’ve described how happy Lou and Barney were when they opened their presents instead of just saying “They were really happy.” But you could improve on your spelling; you’ve missed a few letters out and a few commas. ‘Remember the CLAUSES!’ Anyway it is a very informative story on the whole,
Yumna.
good story maybe put more adjectives
I like your punctuation and connectives.
Natalie I like how you left it on a cliffhanger.
Tulay<3
Excellent Natalie this is really good I like the way that you’ve ended your story on a cliff hanger and how you’ve described how happy Lou and Barney were when they opened their presents instead of just saying “They were really happy.” But you could improve on your spelling; you’ve missed a few letters out and a few commas. ‘Remember the CLAUSES!’ Anyway it is a very informative story on the whole,
Yumna.